I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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