All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
