I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
tell me about the eggs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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