My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
