where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
