A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
