Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
