A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
