I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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