i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
