What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
