Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We are all done wearing pants today
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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