Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
