You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
