my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
