he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
