I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
