It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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