I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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