Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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