i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if only i could text you this smell
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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