I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
