you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
