Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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