god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
