I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
