Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
