I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
