Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
