I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
