Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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