that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
