3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
