I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
