i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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