And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
