I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
