stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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