i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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