my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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