More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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