I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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