Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
