worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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