My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
