the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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