Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
