Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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