He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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