No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
MIDGETS
????
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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