So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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