I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
