You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
