so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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