Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
