went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
