have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
