On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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